Listen...He's Speaking

Be Challenged!

2009-10-14T14:07:00.004-05:00

Here are a couple excerpts from the book, Always Enough, by Rolland and Heidi Baker. I was so challenged by this entire book, and it was so wonderful to get to see people who have a heart for God's children, especially the poorest of the poor. It gave me a new perspective on what missions really looks like. They were not afraid to put aside their comforts and just trust God in His provision, healing, miracles, and AWESOMENESS. The last chunk is the absolute best! Read it and be challenged!!

"Heidi and I deliberately came to Mozambique to face situations like this. We came to test the Gospel and strip from our preaching everything that didn't work and wasn't the Truth. We came to give people the living Jesus, not to try out our mission strategy on them. We came to love the poorest of the poor into the Kingdom, not to promise them a cheap road to health and wealth. We came asking Jesus to kill us, destroy us and remake us however He wanted so that we would be useful to Him here...These people were suffering. They were sick and weak. They had seen their children die in their arms. Muslims persecuted them. They saw no hope outside the Good News we brought. So we preached the purest, simplest messages we could, straight from Scripture. We had no confidence in any other ideas we might have. They needed words that the Holy Spirit would back up. They needed to know what Jesus will bless and support, what will attract His company and presence. They needed content they could depend on to the death. Their simple backgrounds were littered with witchcraft, syncretism, fold stories and petty religious legalism passed down from centuries of colonialism. Their cultural traditions left them exposed to inefficiency and immorality. Lack of viable government leadership and medical services in the bush deprived them of the benefits we take for granted every da. Our pastors could read, haltingly, but most of their people could not. They could hardly picture the outside world, much less the Israel of Bible times. But one thing they knew: They wanted this Jesus we preached!"

"...in order for you to be useful to the Master here--or anywhere--you must be close to Him and in love with Him. To the degree that you are intimate with Him, you will know what to do, what you must do."

"We should stop every single time for each person."

"This is the heart of Jesus, and Jesus told us there would always be enough, because He died. You, too, can take in children. It doesn't matter that you're poor. It doesn't matter that you might not have money. If you will believe God to take in one, and then two and then three, God will give you more and more faith to take them in."

"So we found that those who are the most broken, most abused, most outcast become some of the most anointed ministers we have out of thousands of churches. They seem to be the ones who run ahead of all the rest of the pastors. They run ahead in mercy; they run ahead in grace; they run ahead because they know what it is to live under a bridge; they know what it is to be beaten, to be raped, to be burned, cold and hungry. They're the ones who have compassion for the homeless and broken, for the prostitutes, for the ones out there, and they teach us every day more and more of the love of Jesus."

"I've never met a person since we've been in Mozambique who hasn't said yes to Jesus. The poor come by the hundreds, by the thousands, by the hundreds of thousands. They come one by one, because they know they're hungry. There's something about the poor that delights the heart of God. They're contrite. They know they're in need. What is it about the poor that makes them want to come to Jesus? What is it about the poor that literally brings the Kingdom of God in a way that the well-fed don't? It has to do with hunger. It has to do with their need. They know they need God. They're hungry and thirsty. The Lord wants to cause even the rich, even the middle-class, to be poor in spirit and know that they are in need of Him.
The poor teach us how to seek after God. The poor teach us how to long for God and how to forgive. The poor teach us more about God's heart becasu they have to depend on Him. God wants us to be dependent on Him at all times. The poor are always hungry. God is calling us to hunger and thirst after Him. The poor are thirsty. The Lord is calling us to thirst after Him. The poor will never say no to a feast. They'll come and eat. The Lord is setting out spiritual banquets for His Church, but so many are just full. They have smorgasbords and buffets and restaurants at every corner. They're just not hungry.
The Lord is calling for servant-lovers who will call in the outcasts, who will go into the dark corners of the world and compel the poor to come. And they will come. They'll come by the millions. Who will go and leave their lives of comfort and call in the broken? Who will go and be a learner? Who will go and lay their lives down for Jesus among the poor? The Lord Jesus wants His house to be full. It's time for use to go out to the poor, to the broken, to the homeless, to the dying, and to the lonely and call them to come in. Thousands and thousands of missionaries and ministers need to go out to the darkest places, to the poorest places, to the forgotten places, because the wedding feast is about to begin and so many of the poor haven't been called. Rush our and call them. They will come."

Waiting on the Lord

2009-07-21T07:49:00.003-05:00

My heart is torn. Over 3 months ago, I felt like the Lord revealed and promised something to me. I didn't want to believe it at first and brought it before Him countless times to make sure my heart was in the right place. I felt like He confirmed it time after time and was just smiling down at me and laughing like a gentle Father at my inability to receive the blessing that He wanted to give to me.

You would think that having been promised something, I would rest in the knowledge that it will come to pass. God is faithful! (Exodus 34:6, Psalm 71:22, 89:8) He always carries out His promises! This I believe with my whole heart, but why am I so restless?

I guess not seeing fruit is causing turmoil in my heart. I felt like He told me a specific time that there would be breakthrough and things would begin to happen. Somehow, at the EXACT time He told me, the exact OPPOSITE thing that I believed to happen seems to be taking place. How can this be?

My initial reaction (as seems to have been through this whole process) is that I must be hearing the Lord wrong. I have asked for confirmation over and over. I feel that He does confirm things in His own way, but I want more. I guess my heart is not content with just hearing His voice. It wants confirmation outside of myself. I wish this was not the case. I want to rest in the knowledge that I DO hear His voice. He has even confirmed this to me many times recently. I DO hear His voice! Lord, give me rest in my heart that this is of You!

As I was running this morning and praying over this whole issue, I received a revelation. I can only see what is taking place on the outside. Perhaps there is something very different going on below the surface in the heart of this person. I feel like God is using this whole process to prepare me. There must be more that I am not seeing. I can't always see where God is working and moving, but I know that He is! Jeremiah 29:11-13!

I will hold firm to verse 13: "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." I will seek after God because He is really all I want. I desire Him more than I desire His promises. If He gives me this promise, I will be abundantly blessed beyond words. However, if I was hearing Him wrong, I know that He has a far better plan for me and that I already have more than I could ever ask for or imagine: I have Him!!

I just want to encourage you with this hard place in my life. I hope to write again sharing how God provided in the end (because He ALWAYS does), but even if I dont, be at peace that God is moving and He loves you!

An Ice Wall

2009-01-10T12:46:00.003-06:00

Ok so I was praying and worshiping God when a vision came to me that I feel like I need to share. I have been convicted so much lately about the condition of my heart. I desire so much to live a life of glorifying God, but something is holding me back. I have fallen in love with the world and its trivial things. I choose to do things that I want to do, things that have absolutely no eternal significance, rather than spend time with the Lord or doing things that will expand His Kingdom.

So in the vision I was in a dark, freezing cold, cave-like room, and I was before an ice wall. On the other side of the ice wall was a life of warmth, a life of glorifying God with EVERYTHING I have. It was a life worth living but also a life of sacrifice. I, however, was on the wrong side of the wall. The wall was clear enough for me to see in on what I was missing, but not clear enough for me to see all the glory and goodness it held (you know translucent like a normal ice wall would be).

I wanted with everything I had to be on the other side of the wall, to be in a place pleasing to the Lord. However, the wall was blocking me. I really feel like the Lord was trying to tell me that I'm sitting around waiting for the ice to melt, for the wall to fall on its own, when I should be taking a sledgehammer and breaking the ice wall down. The world is too cold for the ice to melt on its own. In other words, I need to stop be passive in my battle against the world and its desires because it only leads to a wasted life. If I am active and fight with all I have and the gifts the Lord provides (aka the sledgehammer in my hands), I will get through the wall in much less time and will actually be able to be used by the Lord to bring glory to His name.

I just want to encourage you with this because it is so easy to get swept up in what the world has to offer. We are missing out on the goodness the Lord has for us if we do not take up our sledgehammers and break down the ice walls that are before us.

Whole Again

2008-11-16T17:00:00.001-06:00

"Whole Again" by Jennifer Knapp

Daddy, daddy do you miss me.
The way I crawled upon your knee.
Those childish games of hide and seek
Seem a million miles away.

Am I lost in some illusion.
Or am I what you thought I'd be.
Now it seems I've found myself
In need to be forgiven.
Is there still room upon that knee?

If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?

Have I labored all for nothing.
Trying to make it on my own.
Fear to reach out to the hand
Of one who understands me
Say I'd rather be here all alone.

It's all my fault I sit and wallow in seclusion.
As if I had no hope at all,
I guess truth becomes you
I have seen it all in motion
That Pride comes before the fall.

If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?

Can I offer up this simple prayer.
Pray it finds a simple ear.
A scratch in your infinite time.
Not withstanding my fallings
Not withstanding my crime!

If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean,
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?

If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?

Marriage and Idols

2008-11-11T08:36:00.014-06:00

I'm not sure why I am supposed to be writing this, but this morning as I was praying, I felt a strong impression that I needed to get this out. It definitely shows how much the Lord has worked in my heart over the past couple of years...PRAISE HIM for that!! I hope it can help anyone seeking to fix their eyes solely on Jesus.

Ok, so I guess I should start with where I was a couple of years ago. Basically, after having gone through the latter part of high school without a real boyfriend, I was desperate to finally find a guy who wanted to be with me. I pretty much became super boy crazy (Laura can testify to that) and desired nothing more than to find a husband. I remember singing "My Only Wish" by Britney Spears over and over again: "All I want is one thing: tell me my true love is here..." My Christmas wish was for a husband, someone to love me, someone to hold my hand and tell me that I am beautiful.

People kept telling me over and over that I needed to give this to God, but I just would not listen. Looking back now, I see that I did not truly trust Him to bring me a husband. I thought I had to go out and find one myself. Even before this time, my heart was so set on guys, that it was getting in the way of my relationship with the Lord.

Because I had not given the idea of marriage up to the Lord, I became victim to the world's idea of what it means to find true love. I felt that if I never found "the one" I was inadequate. Therefore, I let it consume me. I would fall head over heels over guys, sometimes to the point of obsession. They became my idols and I would let them replace God's spot as my number one. Emotionally I was unstable, allowing my feelings, attitude, and happiness to be dependent on how close I felt with them that day. I even liked one guy for three whole years without him ever showing interest in me. Feelings of devastation flooded over me when I finally realized I had no hope with these guys. I was constantly letting my identity be shaped by guys and not by Christ.

Finally, however, the Lord got a hold of me and showed me that I needed to give it all to Him. I felt like I needed to be OK with being single for the rest of my life if that was the path He had for me. I had to choose obedience and put Him first because I am not my own. I am a daughter of the King. His plan for my life is way better than my own.

I fought Him about it for the longest time. It is one thing to say that you are OK with being single for the rest of your life, but to actually believe it, live it out, and see it as your possible future is completely different (especially when every part of your heart screams with a desire to get married). God was faithful to help me through all this, and I can honestly say that I have given up my desire to be married. It is fully and completely surrendered to Him. I am HIS.

Once I finally consented, a new peace and freedom replaced the emotional turmoil and bondage that came from this idolatry. Nothing can compare to the freedom we have in Christ Jesus!! "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..." (Galatians 5:1) "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Cor 3:17)

It is so wonderful to be in a place where I can have feelings for a guy but still be at complete peace if things don't work out because I KNOW that the Lord has me in His hands. I don't have to worry anymore about whether I am making a wrong decision concerning a guy or that I will miss finding the right one. I know that as long as I follow God, everything will work out. I just have to trust Him. His plans are so much better than my own, whether that means I get married or stay single. It is all for HIS GLORY!!! And that's all the matters!

Proverbs 19:21-"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Proverbs 16:9-"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 20:24-"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?"

Proverbs 16:1-2-"To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue. All a man's way seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord."

Jeremiah 29:11-14-"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity...'"

True Fellowship

2008-09-14T23:19:00.006-05:00

I just had the most wonderful weekend! Yes, Hurricane Ike did just hit Galveston and Houston, and I have been affected in so many ways by it. However, I'm not going to go into all that. Aside from all the worry and stuff, the Lord was so good to provide an awesome time of fellowship for me. A wonderful, beautiful sister in the Lord let me stay with her and her brother for the entire weekend so that I would not have to brave the storm alone. It was SUCH a blessing to be able to stay there, sleep in her bed, and eat her food. However, this home provided so much more than that.

Have you ever wondered what TRUE fellowship looks like? I'm talking about the kind of fellowship that the early church had, the fellowship the disciples experienced every day, the kind that you rarely see in our modern society. Acts 2:42-47 has been one of my favorite passages in the Bible because it describes what a true fellowship of believers looks like:

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (NIV)

This is what a church should look like...this IS the church! I desire so much to experience this kind of true fellowship. It is so deep, so fulfilling, so neccessary. Their lives consisted of studying the Word, fellowship, eating together, praying, miracles, and praising God. What more could you want?

That is what this weekend was for me. We would cook a meal, sit down together as brothers and sisters in the Lord, eat, and then start talking about God. Soon, we would start praying, which would lead to a time of worship. It was all about the Lord, meeting with Him, and loving each other. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25) I actually got to live this out! How awesome is that?!?! :) There was this deep peace that filled the entire apartment. It was a peace that made you not want to leave. I felt so rested just by being there, surrounded by my brothers and sister who were constantly seeking God.

No fellowship would be complete without the opportunity to serve each other. My sister and I cooked and cleaned while our brothers served in other ways. In the body of Christ, each of us has something to give, something God has blessed us with, a gift of the Spirit meant for the common good (1 Cor 12:7). If we just keep this gifts to ourselves, and don't use them to build up the body, we would be wasting them. They are what build our brothers and sisters up in their faith and what helps the body grow. "From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and bulds itself up in love, as each part does its work." (Ephesians 4:16)

I am so thankful for this weekend and all that the Lord blessed me with. It was so encouraging to see that true fellowship really does exist. I will be seeking to live it out more and more now that I have experienced it. I long to go even deeper, "praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people" to the point where the number of saved is growing daily. Wow...just think about that. People should be able to see how we as believers love each other, and because of that, want what we have, which is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. How amazing!! That should change the way we live our lives for sure!

I found a verse that truly describes the weekend: Psalm 133. I pray that the Lord will continue to reveal more and more to me what true fellowship is about.

"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, coming down upon the bead, even Aaron's beard, coming down upon the edge of his robes. It is like the dew of Hermon coming down upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing--life forever." (NASB)

Trust You

2008-08-25T22:22:00.002-05:00

Today has been a trying day, but the Lord has been faithful as always! When I was at my lowest point, He lifted me up and held me in His arms. I want to share a song with you that really helped me today:

"Trust You" by Brandon Heath

I can’t walk without watching where I’m going
I can’t speak without knowing what to say
I can’t love without any hesitation, ‘cause I know that you don’t work that way
I can’t reach without something to offer
I can’t come now, I am so ashamed
I can’t hold out for you any longer, ‘cause I know that you don’t work that way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took my life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

It’s never easy changing direction
It’s so unnatural to loosen up my grip
Are you growing weary, of all my good intentions, ‘cause I know that you don’t work that way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took my life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

Some days this weight upon my shoulders is my shame I know I should know better
‘Cause you say that I must now surrender, there’s no other way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took my life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

Wow! I can't tell you how much that song helped me today!! I hope that it helps you too!! I also want to write some specific words the Lord revealed to me:

-When we don’t get what we want, God has something better.
-I want what I can see, but I must wait for what I don’t.
-God is what I can’t see (He is not physically visible to me), and His good and perfect plans are not revealed to me either. Therefore, I must wait patiently for these things. (I'm not sure if I worded that right, but I hope you understand it.)

"For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed." (Romans 10:11)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do no lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Philippians 1:27-30

2008-07-31T13:13:00.006-05:00

Wow...

That is really all I can say about what the Lord did for me this morning. This week has been crazy, filled with stress, a lack of sleep, and emotionally draining experiences. So many times I just wanted to rest in His presence, but I had another thing to go to, another responsibility to fulfill. But...the Lord is FAITHFUL!!! I decided to take this morning and spend a few hours with my lover. He blessed me so much in it, and I just wanted to share a little of what He spoke to me.

I was trying to memorize some of Philippians this morning, and reading it over and over again really allowed the Lord to work on my heart. So often I just read over the powerful words of Scripture and don't allow them to penetrate my heart. Today, however, God just blew me away!

Philippians 1:27-30:
"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved--and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

Read those verses again.

And again.

Every time I read them, they became stronger and stronger.

Let's go piece by piece:

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Whatever happens...whatever happens...whatever happens. That means whatever. So I looked up "whatever" in the dictionary because I feel like sometimes I lose sight of what it actually means. The definitions that stuck out to me where: no matter what, in any amount, to any extent. The NASB version states it simply as "Only conduct yourselves..." There is no other choice. It doesn't matter what situation we are in, whether we feel like it or not, or even whether we want to. The fact of the matter is that the Bible commands us to always, no matter what, in any amount, to any extent conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel. That should change how we look at things.

What does it even mean to act in a way that is worthy of the gospel? I think this is a deep enough topic to spend a whole other time talking about. All I want to say right now is that I believe that any action of ours should be drawing others to Christ, not pushing them away. If what we are doing (no matter how innocent we think it may be) is causing others to stumble, we need to STOP. Read 1 Corinthians 10:23-11:1. I think a manner worthy of gospel is one where nobody is seeking "his own good, but the good of others" (1 Cor 10:24). "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor 10:21) If we keep this in mind, we will be living in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

"...I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." Paul says that if we conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel, he will know that we stand firm in one spirit. Wow...that seems like a powerful assumption, but it makes sense. If we are truly living the gospel out, we will be standing firm. "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." (1 Cor 15:58) Isn't that a beautiful example of living out the gospel? Jesus even said many times that "he who stands firm to the end will be saved." (Matthew 10:22, 24:13)

But it is not just a matter of standing firm. What made a huge impact on me was the idea of standing firm in one spirit. As believers we are one body, the body of Christ. The Bible is absolutely full of verses on this, including a huge chunk in 1 Cor 12. Christ is the head of the body and there should be no division. It is a single unit made of many parts, but all with the same purpose and spirit. So that makes even more sense when Paul continues to say "contending as one man for the faith of the gospel. One man. One man? Whoa! That just hit me so big. We are supposed to be one man with one mind, following one Spirit, contending for the faith. I had to look up contending and I was so amazed by the definitions. It means to strive in opposition or against difficulties, to struggle, and to compete (as in a race). Wow! Isn't that just absolutely beautiful? It just sums up our walk as believers. Paul says over and over that we will be persecuted, we will suffer for Christ. Our whole walk on this earth is full of striving in opposition, struggling to defeat the enemy, and competing in a race (Hebrews 12:1, 1 Cor 9:24). But the awesome thing is...we don't have to do it alone. We are contending as one man. The fight we fight on this earth is to be fought with our brothers and sisters, with Jesus leading us. This is what I heard. This is just so encouraging to me!

I know this is long and I am running out of time, so I think this is where I will end for now. The Lord spoke to me a lot about the other verses too, but for now I hope you benefit from what He taught me in these. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness. He is worthy of all we can give to Him! Let us conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel, contending as one man for the faith.

Indescribable

2008-07-20T22:48:00.002-05:00

I was driving back to College Station tonight after spending the weekend at a friend's house, and I got to watch the sun set. I really have this crazy love for the sky and sunsets and stars. Pretty much everyone can tell you that! The Lord really just meets me in this place and every time I see God's beauty manifested in this way, I can't help but praise Him with all that I have.

Well, tonight I was doing just that. I have been wanting to write about the Lord's beauty, and I began to think about this as I was driving and watching the sunset. Then, the song "So High" by Jeff Johnson came on, and it hit me. God is just INDESCRIBABLE. No matter how much I try to put into words how absolutely beautiful He is, nothing can even come close to describing the Lord. So often I sit and reflect over the idea that I have no idea just how beautiful He really is. I mean all I can comprehend is just what I see manifested on the earth, but He is sooooo much MORE than that! He is so beautiful that my tiny little brain can't even begin to understand, much less describe it.

Isn't that just so wonderful? As much as it drives me crazy, I absolutely love the fact that I can't comprehend how beautiful and amazing God is. If I could understand, then He wouldn't be God. It would mean that there was an end, a limit to His powers, but there is NOT!! The fact that He is indescribable makes Him all that much more amazing and endless!! It shows me that He REALLY is God!!

The words of the song describe it so wonderfully:

These are just words,
And are not enough to contain you.
Jesus, just words,
And can never suffice to acclaim you.

You are indescribable
You are beyond expression.
And I run out of words for you
I can't think that high

My Lover

2008-07-13T00:50:00.002-05:00

so i can't take credit for this next post. a wonderful sister sent it to me randomly one day. it really is just so beautiful that i thought i would share it with you all!! it really is amazing to think about the sweet and unfailing love our savior has for us!! He truly is my first love and loves me in a way that no human can!!

Dear Friend,

You know how when you are expecting a letter you always hold your breath right before you open the mailbox or waiting for the page to upload, thinking that doing this will actually help make sure that what you are waiting for is waiting patiently for you to open it. Sometimes life is that way. Whether good or bad it makes no difference, all you are truly waiting for is something special to come your way. It doesn't have to be life altering. It can be as simple as a breeze, or a penny on the floor, but when you find what you are looking for an unexplainable peace comes over you that cannot truly be explained. It's like all of your hopes and dreams are confirmed with something so simple no one can understand. That's how I feel when Holy Spirit comes and whispers in my ear or caresses me or just gently touches me,saying I am here, everything is going to be ok. It's phenomenal to me that with the lightest hint of his presence i am made whole and at peace in this world. All cares, animosities, worries etc. don't matter. I am an heir to a lover that can never hate, never leave, never die. The great thing about him is that not only am I his heir, I am also his bride. What a love that he has for me that I cannot even try to express it. My heart catches in my throat knowing that I love and am loved by a man who will never leave me and has moved mountains for me because he loves me so much. I desire my lovers arms around me all the time and the great thing is, they are. I am the one who cannot feel them at times b/c I am not paying attention, and that is sad to me. This man that continuously says I love you is never gone from my side. I just whisper his name and he lovingly whispers back. What a man! I know that everytime I am with him the world is never the same. Oh how the world changes daily from my being with him!! He caresses me in a way that it seems no other man can. I know that all is well when I come back into his arms. He waits on me patiently to come back to him. He is such a gentleman. Never pushy, but always there when you desire to be with him. My lover is incredible, in loving me, I am learning how to love in return. The past does not matter, nor does the future. As long as I am in his arms, the world is loved and carefree in my eyes. How I desire more time with my lover. I feel that he wakes me up in the morning so he doesn't have to wait anymore to hear what I have to say, that looking into my eyes gives him the world. Oh how I love him with all of my heart!I write this to you for no other reason than to tell you my love story. I know that all is well with my lover by my side. How much more amazing could he possibly be?!?!

Hebrews 11:25

2008-07-08T22:27:00.003-05:00

I was just reading my journal from Italy and I came across a verse that really hit me so much. I want to share it with you:

Hebrews 11:25 - "He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time."

You want to know something funny? Nearly every time I open my Bible and read that verse, I insert the word "us". I read it "He chose US to be mistreated..." I dont read it the way it was written; I read it as if God is choosing ME to be mistreated along with the people of God. It's as if God is wanting me to know that this is my life, this is the life that is ahead of me. I am to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. I feel this so much in my life!! Nearly every day, I feel like I am being molded more and more in this way as He tells me to deny simple enjoyment of sins (or even things that are not really sins) for the sake of Him and His glory. How cool is that?

If I read the whole paragraph, I am overtaken with desire for the heart Moses had. "He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking AHEAD to his reward." Wow...he was always looking ahead. He didnt even think about what he "lost" in this world because he KNEW what he was going to get in the future. He CHOSE his path, the path of faith and denying himself for the sake of the cross. I want that! I DESIRE that!

Romans 8:18 says that "our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." The future is where it is at. In the future, God will be glorified!! I can't be concerned with the things of this world, the worldly treasures, the pain im going to endure. I must focus on Christ and run with Him. He makes everything worthwhile. HE IS WORTHY!!

Raw Faith

2008-07-03T21:06:00.003-05:00

So I just got back from Italy, one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been to. To be honest, I have always been hesitant to say that I was going there because people would tell me that they were jealous or longed to be in my place. It really bugged me to have people feel that way because those emotions are not God's desire for our hearts. God has us right where we are supposed to be and He has a reason for it. We just have to trust Him through it all and be thankful for the little gifts that He gives us.

Let me just tell you that these 12 days in Italy were the hardest days I have had in a really long time and I struggled constantly with myself and my flesh. It was through all this that God taught me an important concept: raw faith.

Many things were stripped away from me and I just couldnt understand why. They were things that always brought me closer to the Lord, so why would He take them away? For instance, I was not able to attend church for a couple of weeks, and I was going with many unbelievers to a very dry country where few people try live for Christ. In that, I lost the close fellowship that I have grown so used to. When you go from talking about God constantly every day to not having anyone to talk to about Him at all, it is pretty tough. I was cut off and surrounded by so many strangers who just don't understand. I felt alone and lost.

The next thing that was taken away was my iPod. Ok, so I know that sounds totally crazy, but I had become dependent on my iPod for comfort. I constantly listened to worship music to heal my wounds, forget my troubles, and fill myself up. It pretty much became the only way that I connected to God. One day, in the midst of the hardest days, my earphones just broke. No more worship music for me.

I sat there wondering why God would take such a vital part of my time with Him away. As I was pondering it, I realized that the only things I had left were God and His Word. The crazy thing was that I was upset by this. Then, I began to gently feel God showing me that this was the way it was supposed to be. I had become so dependent on outside resources to feel closer to Him. All I really need is Him and His Word! As for worship, He wanted me to talk to Him and sing praises from my own heart, not from someone else's. He is concerned with my prayers and my heart. He wanted to speak to me. How could I listen if I was constantly filling my ears with music?

In all this, I just want to encourage you to turn back to the raw faith. God is there!! We don't need all these crazy resources to reach Him, to feel His presence, to talk to Him, to listen to His voice. He is there, wherever we are, gently speaking and wanting to teach us something. He loves us so much! He wants the best for us. Even though I couldn't understand why He would take all these things away, I am thankful for it because it was in this time that I was able to hear His voice and learn more about what He desires from me.

All I need is Him and His Word!!!

North Africa :)

2008-06-18T22:07:00.004-05:00

First of all, I just want to sincerely thank you all for everything you did to make this trip as successful as it was. I honestly can’t thank you enough! The amazing ways that the Lord answered prayers really showed your faithfulness. We saw HUGE results in the short period of time we were there, and we planted many seeds that will blossom in the near future.

Words can’t even begin to describe all the ways the Lord moved while we were in North Africa for these two weeks. My team went into the country believing wholeheartedly the promise Jesus gives that “the harvest is plentiful”. I believe that this attitude was such an important part of our work because we went expecting the Lord to move. And He did.

Our primary purpose was to help the long-term team in church planting. This is much more difficult in a closed Muslim country, but the Lord provided ways. The long-term missionaries coached us in “backwards relational evangelism”. The scripture for this ministry is Luke 10:1-24, which I encourage you to read. We spent our time finding “people of peace” and then developing a relationship with them. People of peace are people who are receptive to us and the message we bring; they are interested in Jesus and the Bible, and they don’t want to argue about Islam. We went up to random people in the streets and began talking to them. When we found people of peace, we began to invest our time with them, sharing the gospel, reading the Bible, praying, and loving on them. Two of our friends came to know the Lord because of this, and many others are so close. I am filled with so much joy that we now have a new brother and sister in Christ who have eternal life with us! Praise the Lord!

In the times when we were not finding people of peace and meeting with our friends, we prayer walked throughout the city. We listened to God’s voice and were sensitive to the Spirit, following where He led us. In many instances, this resulted in meeting new people of peace. At the very least, we were covering this dry, desperate country in prayer, filling it with light and changing things. Light was the theme of our trip. The verse at the top of the page is the verse the Lord showed me. We were lights in a dark place, and light always eliminates darkness. Praise God for that!

In addition to all the work we did in the one city, we split into smaller teams and took exploratory trips to other cities. Through this, we got to see other parts of the country, but most importantly, we were breaking ground for the future. My team prayer walked continuously for four hours and even marched seven times around the largest mosque like the Israelites did at Jericho. In this time, a couple of my team members were given visions of Muslims turning to Jesus. Wow! Isn’t God just amazing?

As for my personal walk, I was stretched in many ways on this trip. It was totally out of my comfort zone to approach and talk to random people about Jesus. I also experienced the healing power of God for the first time as He used me to heal a couple girls. I learned how to listen to His voice and wait for Him to speak. He really does love to speak to His children; we just need to listen. I learned about true community and encouragement. All in all, the Lord opened my eyes to so many new things, and I grew in incredible ways in such a short period of time. It really was such a blessing to be given such an opportunity to serve Him in a country I have such a heart for.

Again, I just want to thank you for all the prayer and financial support you gave. My team could not have done this without you. I really wish I had the space to write of all the wonderful stories of the individual people we met. I think you would be absolutely amazed at how much the Lord moved in their hearts. Unfortunately, that would be way too long. However, if you want to talk to me more about it, please call me or email me. I also posted some pictures online at http://picasaweb.google.com/gardiner212/NorthAfrica2008 if you would like to see them.
I hope you have a wonderful rest of the summer! May the Lord bless you in incredible ways! Please let me know if there is anything that I can be praying for you about! I love you guys!